How To Know If Your Husband Is Having An Affair In Under 2 Minutes

Posted by : foongpc | Wednesday, November 25, 2009 | Published in


If you are a woman, have you ever suspected your husband of having an affair? Want to know the truth without confronting him?

Let me teach you this psychological technique which I learnt from the book "Get Anyone To Do Anything" by David J Lieberman.

It allows you to actually look into a person's mind and find out if he's hiding anything. It's called 'similar scenario' technique.

What you need to do is to ask a question that does not accuse the person of anything but rather alludes to it. Then simply observe his response.

Let us take the case of a woman who suspects her husband of having an affair with his secretary. Instead of confronting her husband, she plays it cool and casually asks him over dinner "Gee, you know what, honey? My boss Jim, I think he may be having an affair with his secretary."

Then she just need to observe her husband's response.

If he asks questions and becomes interested, she can be reasonably sure he's not doing the same thing.

But if he becomes uncomfortable and looks away and tries to change the subject, then he's likely to be engaged in a similar behaviour. She will notice his immediate shift in demeanor and attitude.

Photo courtesy of weird cool photos

Now why is this technique so useful and why we should not confront a person directly? Typically, when we confront a person, it would put him on the defensive. If it turns out that we're wrong, there's a good chance we may appear paranoid or jealous and the relationship suffers.

With this technique, we are able to bring up a particular subject and find out if he's comfortable or concerned with the topic, all without making a single accusation!

By the way, this technique does not work for women only. If you are a man and you suspect your wife is having an affair with the gardener (just an idea I plucked from Desperate Housewives, haha!) you too can use this technique to find the truth.

A scene from Desperate Housewives

In fact, this technique can be used for more than just finding out if your partner is having an affair. It has a myriad of other uses and is especially useful if you are tired of being deceived or taken advantage of.

Let's take another example. You suspect a salesperson in your office is stealing the office supplies. If you confront her and say "Have you been stealing from the company?" that would achieve nothing.

Reason being if she didn't do it, she would say no. And if she's guilty, she would still say no.

The better way is to say "I'm wondering if you could help me with something. It had come to my attention that someone in the sales department has been taking home office supplies for personal use. Any idea on how we can put a stop to this?"

If she did not do it, she would be eager to offer her suggestions.

But if she is guilty, she will appear uncomfortable and may probably assure you that she would never do anything like that. Now there's no reason for her to bring herself into the picture, unless of course, she's guilty.


(77) Comments

  1. xin said...

    LOL ok this may come in handy soon :P

    November 25, 2009 at 8:41 AM
  2. Anonymous people need to read a book on how to check if their spouse is cheating on them?!

    November 25, 2009 at 9:00 AM
  3. Tekkaus said...

    Hahahaha :D You read this book Foong? How come huh? So that you can counter it one day? :p

    November 25, 2009 at 9:04 AM
  4. Tekkaus said...

    Look into a person's mind? is like min-reading aye? Ahh....I know this technique. :p

    November 25, 2009 at 9:06 AM
  5. Tekkaus said...

    It is a great technique alright. Not only we can protect ourselves, but at the same time the chances of finding the culprit is way higher. :D

    November 25, 2009 at 9:08 AM
  6. Tekkaus said...

    Perhaps I should get this book too Bro. :) Thanks for the sharing and good morning Foong.

    November 25, 2009 at 9:08 AM
  7. ladyviral said...

    Wow, this is like doing an indirect investigation!

    Or even... a reverse psychology :P.

    Good idea XD hahaa! But there is one thing~ Good liars are hard to catch! So how about that? :S

    November 25, 2009 at 9:22 AM
  8. levian said...

    haha, this is interesting. though not everyone will fall for it, there is a good chance they will. have you tried it out? :p

    November 25, 2009 at 9:24 AM
  9. Reanaclaire said...

    foong, getting yourself equipped if anyone were to do that to u?? hehehe.. just joking.. thanks for sharing tips.. i no husband to suspect on.. nor i am no boss to ask anyone too.. so that book teaches one to be diplomatic in asking questions, i guess.. i bet some love to read that..

    November 25, 2009 at 10:10 AM
  10. Borneo Falcon said...

    I should learn the counter techniques. Ha...Ha....

    November 25, 2009 at 10:13 AM
  11. J2Kfm said...

    Thanks for the tips. Now I know what to do when I'm on the other end of those tricky questions. hehe ...

    November 25, 2009 at 10:24 AM
  12. Pete said...

    Ha ha, these theories in books don't work lah! Most cheating guys knows how to hide it very professionally nowadays! I have seen how some friends did it! Anyone want to know.....I can charge for giving lessons! ha ha ha!

    November 25, 2009 at 11:05 AM
  13. Kelvin said...

    hmmmm, there is some truth to it^^

    November 25, 2009 at 11:09 AM
  14. HappySurfer said...

    The wonder of reading! You get to learn lots. Thanks for sharing, Foong.

    November 25, 2009 at 11:40 AM
  15. Nick Phillips (15/03/1967 - 04/11/2022) said...

    You're not going to be popular with a lot of people buddy ... LOL!

    But seriously, do you even need a book to find these things out?

    November 25, 2009 at 11:52 AM
  16. manglish said...

    hahahhah hello..i was in the midst of writing about cheating too..AHAHAHAHAHAH ok ok compare notes later.....btw is the book really that useful?

    November 25, 2009 at 12:36 PM
  17. Mariuca said...

    Grrrrrr me no likey la all these affairs!

    November 25, 2009 at 12:43 PM
  18. Mariuca said...

    GF, BF, hubby and wifey all should abstain from this, otherwise don get together in da first place! ;)

    November 25, 2009 at 12:44 PM
  19. Unknown said...

    Seriously Foong, i loathe reading all these kind of books...

    If a husband does not know the importance of a marriage,the committment, the vow we once made, then everyting else is meaningless.

    November 25, 2009 at 12:45 PM
  20. ChrisAu said...

    foong...better don't teach the ladies too many tips, they are getting clever already..LOL

    November 25, 2009 at 1:25 PM
  21. MiChi said...

    interesting.... you read a lot huh? that's good!

    November 25, 2009 at 1:27 PM
  22. Che-Cheh said...

    Good tips. But what is he/she is a good liar? :P

    November 25, 2009 at 1:28 PM
  23. Merryn said...

    Alamak foong. dun la reveal all these... now how am i suppose to have affairs outside? my hubs will find out.. lol...

    November 25, 2009 at 3:08 PM
  24. eiling lim said...

    this is very good! I think it's a great way to find out things but sometimes can be misleading too if the person doesn't behave like the majority. thanks!

    November 25, 2009 at 3:44 PM
  25. CheaHSan said...

    foongpc after a few post thought you have finished your China trip which I remembered more to go? Almost LOST too. Looking back oh yeah Yangshuo is still in the oven. Book no read, "Desperate Housewives", no watch. Thanks anyway.

    November 25, 2009 at 5:15 PM
  26. kitkat said...

    this will be useful for future usages..thx for the tip..

    November 25, 2009 at 6:39 PM
  27. Ken Wooi said...

    nice tips..
    i think i learned somthing new here.. haha.. yeah i dont think confrontation is good.. it only creates more and more troubles.. =)
    thanks for sharing!

    November 25, 2009 at 9:06 PM
  28. Ciela said...

    I guess there's no need for us women to read this book. There's this thing called woman's instinct. And almost always, the hunch turns out right.(Lol)
    Thanks for sharing though!

    November 25, 2009 at 11:50 PM
  29. foongpc said...

    xin, soon? You suspect your hubby of having an affair? : )

    November 26, 2009 at 1:35 AM
  30. foongpc said...

    mei teng, actually no. But this technique is useful for a lot of other situations and not just limited to checking if your spouse is having an affair. The book covers lots more topics than this of course. I'm just focusing on this topic cos it's sort of interesting : )

    November 26, 2009 at 1:37 AM
  31. foongpc said...

    tekkaus, haha yeah so that I can use this method to cheat on my partner without her knowing even if she knows this technique! Just kidding. LOL!

    Yes, go get the book - it has many other useful topics and this is just one small topic! : )

    November 26, 2009 at 1:40 AM
  32. foongpc said...

    ladyviral, well if your husband is a really good liar and already knows this technique, yeah, it'll be difficult to pin him! : )

    November 26, 2009 at 1:41 AM
  33. foongpc said...

    levian, yeah, I think most people who are guilty will fall for it unless they are really good liars and are aware of their body language or if they already knew this technique and purposely acted opposite way. No, I've yet to try it out though. Why don't you try it out and let me know? : )

    November 26, 2009 at 1:43 AM
  34. foongpc said...

    reanaclaire, maybe? Haha! But it's good to know some of these techniques - you never know when you might find them useful! : )

    November 26, 2009 at 1:44 AM
  35. foongpc said...

    borneo falcon, haha you should, shouldn't you? : )

    November 26, 2009 at 1:45 AM
  36. foongpc said...

    J2Kfm, yeah, now you know the technique you can actually work it to your advantage! Haha! Gosh! I'm so evil here : )

    November 26, 2009 at 1:45 AM
  37. foongpc said...

    pete, who says don't work? Will still work except on professional cheaters like your friends. Wow! You have so many friends who cheat on their wives? Remind them about karma! : )

    November 26, 2009 at 1:47 AM
  38. foongpc said...

    kelvin, yes there sure is a whole lot of truth to it : )

    November 26, 2009 at 1:48 AM
  39. foongpc said...

    happysurfer, yeah, reading helps to build knowledge! : )

    November 26, 2009 at 1:48 AM
  40. foongpc said...

    nick phillips, on the contrary! Women will love this technique and men will like it even more because now they know how to make their wives less suspicious of them! Haha!

    Well, you don't really need a book on this topic alone, I wouldn't read the book just for this of course. There are many other topics of interest in the book. Do check it out! : )

    November 26, 2009 at 1:50 AM
  41. foongpc said...

    manglish, you are writing about cheating too? Oh OK! Can compare notes, hehe. Yes, the book is really useful. Lots of techniques in there and it's not all about how to spot cheating husband/wife : )

    November 26, 2009 at 1:52 AM
  42. foongpc said...

    mariuca, who like affairs? Of course all should abstain from it but what if people don't? That's where this technique comes in handy : )

    November 26, 2009 at 1:54 AM
  43. foongpc said...

    eugene, you loathe these kind of books? Why? They are very interesting books! Btw, this book is not about how to spot a cheating spouse - that's just one of the many topics discussed in the book!

    November 26, 2009 at 1:55 AM
  44. foongpc said...

    chrisau, haha, scared your wife finds out, is it? Well, don't worry now you know this technique you can use it to your advantage! Haha! ; )

    *Look! You're making me really evil!

    November 26, 2009 at 1:57 AM
  45. foongpc said...

    michi, well I try to read a lot! Haha!

    November 26, 2009 at 1:58 AM
  46. foongpc said...

    che-cheh, if he/she is a really good liar, I guess this technique may not work, but I believe most people will fall for it : )

    November 26, 2009 at 1:59 AM
  47. foongpc said...

    merryn, but your hubby does not read my blog right? So no worries - go ahead with your affairs! Hahaha! I think Ethan will find out about it first before your hubby! LOL!

    November 26, 2009 at 2:00 AM
  48. foongpc said...

    eiling lim, yeah if the person is a really good liar and can keep a poker face and is an expert in controlling his body language, then this technique may not work, but it would work on majority of people : )

    November 26, 2009 at 2:01 AM
  49. foongpc said...

    cheahs@n, will blog about my China trip soon. I just need to take a short break. Maybe also because too lazy....I mean busy to upload the photos : )

    November 26, 2009 at 2:04 AM
  50. foongpc said...

    kitkat, you are welcome : )

    November 26, 2009 at 2:05 AM
  51. foongpc said...

    kenwooi, yeah no need for any confrontation with this technique! : )

    November 26, 2009 at 2:05 AM
  52. foongpc said...

    beng gee, haha yes woman's instinct. Then I guess it's useful for the men : )

    November 26, 2009 at 2:06 AM
  53. LifeRamblings said...

    nobody likes such affairs. it's hard to catch the person red-handed if he-she is an accomplished liar.

    November 26, 2009 at 7:58 AM
  54. Shingo T said...

    Errr.... I ain't got any affair with the secretary on the red office sofa yesterday.


    November 26, 2009 at 2:24 PM
  55. HappySurfer said...

    LOL! at Shingo's comment. He's trying to tell us something going by the book, Foong. Red office sofa somemore!!

    Yeah lah, have you finished with your China trip?

    Happy Thanksgiving!

    November 26, 2009 at 3:35 PM
  56. Sourav said...

    yes I agree with you that we should not directly accuse a person...He may think that I don't have faith in him and I'm suspicious about him.


    November 26, 2009 at 7:41 PM
  57. molly said...

    Aiyoh, that is not an easy task.

    November 26, 2009 at 10:38 PM
  58. bluedreamer27 said...

    hehe now let me try this to my girl hehe....
    if ever you proved that your husband/wife cheating on you, well most likelyit is also your fault...because you failed to reach your partner's satisfaction (just my opinion ) hehe
    have great day foong


    November 27, 2009 at 1:12 AM
  59. Twilight Man said...

    Hey are you a hubby or wifey? You make a good blog detective.

    November 27, 2009 at 12:55 PM
  60. Ayie said...

    Great views foong! Happy weekend!

    Goodnight from here!

    November 28, 2009 at 1:25 PM
  61. Blog and SEO tips to help you make money blogging said...

    she killed the car lol

    December 1, 2009 at 6:09 AM
  62. Faisal Admar said...

    i did try few times, but end up quarrel because the other half will admit it!

    December 2, 2009 at 10:04 AM
  63. foongpc said...

    life ramblings, yes if the liar know the technique I mentioned here, it'll be very difficult to catch him/her! Haha

    December 13, 2009 at 11:11 AM
  64. foongpc said...

    shingo T, haha!

    December 13, 2009 at 11:12 AM
  65. foongpc said...

    happysurfer, LOL to the red office sofa! China trip still ongoing. Gosh! So many things to blog about and not enough time! : )

    December 13, 2009 at 11:13 AM
  66. foongpc said...

    sourav, that's right! : )

    December 13, 2009 at 11:13 AM
  67. foongpc said...

    molly, what is not an easy task? Lying or trying to uncover a lie? : )

    December 13, 2009 at 11:14 AM
  68. foongpc said...

    bluedreamer27, wow! Really want to try on your girl? Better be prepared for any heartaches, haha!

    But you also blame yourself if your girl is having an affair? Hmmm....

    December 13, 2009 at 11:16 AM
  69. foongpc said...

    twilight zone, I am neither a hubby or a wifey! LOL!

    December 13, 2009 at 11:17 AM
  70. foongpc said...

    ayie, thanks! Happy weekend to you too although this is like 2 weekends ago! Haha *late reply*

    December 13, 2009 at 11:18 AM
  71. foongpc said...

    blog and seo tips, haha! She did : )

    December 13, 2009 at 11:19 AM
  72. foongpc said...

    faisal, oh! that's bad! If she admits, then end of story : )

    December 13, 2009 at 11:19 AM
  73. Ayie said...

    everybody's busy foong, it's ok =)

    December 15, 2009 at 10:33 AM
  74. Logo Design said...

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    February 5, 2010 at 4:27 PM
  75. foongpc said...

    ayie, thanks! : )

    February 13, 2010 at 1:52 AM
  76. foongpc said...

    logo design, you are welcome : )

    February 13, 2010 at 1:52 AM
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