Posted by : foongpc | Wednesday, June 11, 2008 | Published in


Reading a blogger's post on Forgive But Don't Forget today inspired me to write this article.

It's so hard to forgive, isn't it? When someone do you wrong, don't you just hate that person and vow never to forgive him or her ever?

But wait a minute, when you vow not to forgive that person, who exactly is suffering here?

Think about it.

Here's an example to make it clearer for you. Let's say, you discover that your girlfriend is leaving you because she is running off with your best friend.

So in anger, you say, "I'll never forgive you for that!"

Now there are hundred and one reasons why your girlfriend left you. It may be because you did not appreciate her, or she did not find you compatible, or she is money minded and your best friend is more loaded than you, etc. etc. Whatever the reasons, it does not matter, at least that is not what I'm trying to talk about today.

What matters is when you vow not to forgive her, and perhaps even extend that to your best friend, who suffers?

I can assure you it's not them. You are losing sleep, have no appetite, cannot concentrate on your work, and feeling all stressed up. Them? They are probably enjoying themselves and partying all night!

So you see, when you don't forgive them, it's YOU who suffer.

But then, you say "How can I possibly forgive them after what they did? And why should I since I'm the victim here?"

Well, when you forgive someone, you don't have to agree with what that person did. When you forgive her, it does not mean you lost, she won.
When you forgive him, it does not mean he's right, you're wrong.
When you forgive them, IT IS NOT ABOUT THEM.

It's about YOU. PERIOD.

You want your own life to work. You want to have inner peace of mind. When you forgive someone, you let go the burden and you feel free. You are once again in control of your life. Why let the person who wronged you control your life? Hasn't he or she done enough damage to you? It makes no sense to let them prolong your suffering!

Revenge should be furthest from your mind. There is no need to feel spiteful because the nature of things will take care of itself. Haven't you heard about the Law Of Attraction? Or the Law Of Karma ie. what you sow, you reap? Do bad things and bad things come to you? Do good things and expect to receive good things?

So when we forgive others, it does not mean they did no wrong. It simply means we accept that they wronged us, and we move on. We wish them well, and carry on with our lives.

Now that you know this, let me end this with a surprising twist. OK, here goes...


Huh? Scratching your head?

You must be thinking I'm contradicting myself!

Well, not really. Let me invite you to read this wonderful, inspiring story called "The Little Soul and The Sun" by Neale Donald Walsch. I hope you will be further enlightened by the story and perhaps understand why there is no one for us to forgive.

Before signing off, I would like to say thank you to Andrew Matthews for his wonderful book Happiness Now. It's from this book, I learnt about forgiving others. Go get this book - you won't regret it!

If today, there is someone you are still angry with, or someone you have never thought of forgiving, I hope my article here will change your mind. Forgive that someone, because you'll be much better off. I promise.

(20) Comments

  1. Anonymous

    It's really painful when someone you love the most do you some unconceivable wrong. But as you have have pointed out with your great post, you are the one who suffers most if you won't forgive. As I have experienced, you'll be much more happier and have more peace of mind if you just forgive and forget.

    June 11, 2008 at 3:59 PM
  2. Olive Poppy said...

    It consumes one much more to hold a grudge than to forgive. To forgive is to let go, and only then one will truly be free. But then again, easier said than done. And more often than not, it's easy to forgive, but not so easy to forget.

    June 11, 2008 at 4:38 PM
  3. Bengbeng said...

    i meant to write a post on forgiving and forgiveness tonight but after i seen u done this, i might redo it from a slightly miore humanitarian universal angle :)

    June 11, 2008 at 10:55 PM
  4. 小偉 said...

    Hi foongpc,
    Thanks for visiting my blog:

    Motorola RIZR Z10 is really a cool phone. Personally, I'm too not a fan of Motorola, I'm a fan of Nokia. :)

    But if Motorola has great phones, my next phones might be Motorola. Just want to have a try. :)

    June 12, 2008 at 12:48 AM
  5. acura said...

    It's really hard to forgive & I agree that because of our unwillingness to forgive, we suffer ourselves. So it's better to step back, let go of things & forgive....

    Btw, thanks for dropping by. Seriously, Kungfu Panda is a must watch hehe

    June 12, 2008 at 2:39 AM
  6. Anonymous

    There must be something in the air. This was exactly what I needed to read tonight!

    June 12, 2008 at 4:41 AM
  7. foongpc said...

    freezine, what you said is very true indeed. Definitely more peace of mind when you forgive as you have experienced.

    missmall, it's never easy to forgive. And when we forgive, it does not mean we forget. But when we crave for that peace of mind in us, I think to forgive is still the best choice.

    bengbeng, oops! I beat you to it! Ha ha! But I look forward to read your post which you said will be written from a different angle : )

    June 12, 2008 at 9:36 AM
  8. foongpc said...

    greenleaf, thanks for dropping by too. Keep up with your reviews on hand phones - although I'm loyal to Sony Ericsson, I may consider others if I really like it : )

    acura, thanks for leaving your comments. Yes, I'm gonna catch Kungfu Panda soon! : )

    a, glad you like my posting! : )

    June 12, 2008 at 9:52 AM
  9. Anonymous

    Congratulations on your first blog and on your post on Forgiveness!

    All the best, Lucy

    June 12, 2008 at 10:51 AM
  10. foongpc said...

    Thanks Lucy! Hope you like it.

    June 12, 2008 at 11:05 AM
  11. Anonymous

    That's why the pope said 'to err is human, to forgive divine'. But then hor..are you saying we should also forgive (and forget) the government for all their misdeeds?
    I don't know, I find it hard to let go of the fact that they have cut down the petrol subsidy despite earning billions exporting petrol (via Petronas)...

    June 12, 2008 at 5:11 PM
  12. foongpc said...

    foong, thanks for your comments. You have definitely put me into a difficult spot. If I say yes, forgive the Govt, people will kill me! So instead of saying yes, let me answer your question with a question. If Anwar Ibrahim somehow took over as Prime Minister and managed the country well, and you are pleased with it, will you then forgive the present Govt?

    June 13, 2008 at 4:46 PM
  13. Anonymous

    hi foong, you have given a beautiful definition for forgiveness..i agree with your comment and follow it in my i wont suffer from problems..wil u forgive any one if they have done a mistake..

    June 14, 2008 at 11:33 AM
  14. Anonymous

    Wonderful post, inspiring. As others had mentioned, forgiving someone is really hard but as you said if we don't forgive we are the one who suffer. Time is created to take all this away, time will heal everything. Forgiving and acceptance accelerate the process, learn to forgive and you will be given the best. Great Post foong! :)

    June 14, 2008 at 10:10 PM
  15. foongpc said...

    durai, thanks for your comments!

    kenneth, glad that you find my post inspiring!

    June 15, 2008 at 12:22 AM
  16. Anonymous

    Hello dude..Im glad that u are inspired from my BLOG..But u made a pretty good job on this topic man.CHEERS.

    June 15, 2008 at 1:40 AM
  17. foongpc said...

    karthik, thanks. You started the ball rolling and I just continue from there : )

    June 16, 2008 at 4:30 PM
  18. Caroline said...

    u're totally right! and im the type of easily forgive people. even tho i hate them but its just gonna be like 1 or 2 days and no more dy. sometimes feeling bad for being this way. urgh~

    March 30, 2010 at 1:46 PM
  19. foongpc said...

    caroline, it's good to be able to forgive others. Cos when you don't forgive, you will only suffer. Why suffer and be the victim right? : )

    January 26, 2011 at 1:02 AM
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    April 10, 2013 at 11:34 AM